It was a pretty lousy movie, but it made a lot of money, so there was plenty of demand for a sequel. It was a movie about a giant snake, and the producers were able to bring in a handful of A-list actors to sell the whole thing. You know it’s just going to be more of the same.You may remember a movie from a few years back called Anaconda. You won’t miss much of anything from that point on and don’t worry about missing the open ended conclusion that sets the stage for Anaconda 4, coming soon to the Sci-Fi Channel. Hayes in the bathroom cleaning off and somehow managing to get her tank top back to a pristine white state despite having been caked in mud. My advice to anyone who wants to watch Anaconda 3 is to switch it off the moment the scene begins with Dr. The Hoff deserved a moment like Jon Voight’s regurgitated wink in the original. Not much snake action and we’re even denied the simple pleasure of seeing David Hasselhoff get squeezed to death or swallowed by a giant snake. It kills the momentum and squeezes the life out of the film much like an anaconda. Oh, joy people slowly looking for giant snakes in dank basements and abandoned buildings. The filmmakers then keep coming up with ways to get her wet, muddy, and bloody.Īt least it was until the disastrously dull third act killed the enthusiasm and with it most of the goofy goodwill of the first two-thirds. Not too much science in store for this remorseful herpetologist, actress Crystal Allen will spend the vast majority of the film either pouting or freaking out and, more importantly, stripped down to her white tank top – the go-to clothing for horror movie heroines these days it would seem. That should have been a no-brainer for her the second they bred a super serpent that reminded me a lot of the plastic toy snake that came with the Masters of the Universe “Snake Mountain Playset” I had as a child. She was already unhappy with the whole endeavor because she believed the research would be handled more responsibly. Hayes, the youngest, hottest, blondest herpetologist I’ve ever seen accompanies a ragtag team of inept snake hunters that look more suited for playing paintball and I doubt they’d be very good at that either. And just wait until you see characters pretending to ride in jeeps in front of rear-projected moving backdrops that’s some pretty chintzy effects work even by Sci-Fi Channel standards.ĭr. The geysers of digital blood that shoot out of victims – also not so good. The CGI snakes look pretty good for a Sci-Fi Channel movie, but not so good when you compare them to the CGI snakes of the previous Anaconda films. How weirdly ironic is it that after two theatrically released PG-13 films the made-for-cable third installment would be the goriest of the three, easily earning itself an R-rating? A brief killing spree later and the “bigger, faster, stronger, and a hell of a lot meaner” atypical anaconda, along with a more typical and very pregnant “queen anaconda”, have escaped the lab and on the loose in the Romanian countryside crushing, swallowing, impaling people, and biting off heads like they’re going out of style. ![]() So the dumb ass billionaire shines a flashlight into its tank to get a better look and freaks out the freakish super snake. This mutant anaconda is kept in a darkened tank, darkened to simulate its sleep cycle and thus keep it docile. All of this naturally explains the need to breed a 60-foot mutant anaconda that they casually refer to as “atypical” of its kind. The previous sequel had the snakes sort of guarding over a very rare flower that could potentially lead to such cures this time the snakes themselves are believed to contain the cure. The always credible regardless of the quality of the material he’s saddled with John Rhys-Davies appears at the beginning and end as a billionaire dying of cancer who runs a multinational pharmaceutical conglomerate conducting illegal and unethical transgenics experiments on anacondas in hopes of extracting a serum that can cure everything from cancer to Alzheimer’s.
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